Happy New Year!!

2009 started out the way that 2008 ended which was just crummy. I spent more time crying than smiling. I felt like a knife was piercing my heart everytime I got another piece of bad news. I felt like life was a nonstop rollercoaster of delays and constant bad news. It was a year of contemplating giving up on our second child which was something we had been looking forward to ever since my Lindze came home. It was the year that we actually did say good bye to our China and Kyrgyzstan adoption. It was the year that we said good bye to our dear son Alek. It was a year of very dear friends losing those that they loved. Like I said it was just not turning out to be a good year. Then in July we heard about a baby that needed a mom and dad. Now just to let you know July was to be a very difficult month because it would be one year since we had last seen or held our precious boy in Kyrgyzstan. By the miracle of God himself we began pursuing how to adopt this little boy and we met all kind of obstacles along the way but miracles do happen and now we have our sweet son Gabriel. I feel we are complete now and I could not be any happier. As I was putting my babies to bed tonight all I could do was thank God for the blessings he has bestowed on us. I know I have some friends out there who are still waiting for their babies to come home and some friends who have lost someone very dear to them but I believe in miracles and a miracle will happen for you because it happened for me. Happy New Year dear friends and I am hoping you get all that you want in 2010. Love to you all!!

Merry Christmas

Just wanted to wish all of my blogger buddies out there a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I know there are several of my blogger friends who will be going through the holidays with longing in their hearts to hold the ones that they love that are gone or far away. I just wanted to let you guys know you have a special place in my heart and I am praying for each and every one of you. Love to all of you!

The Decision

I have not been here for a while because a baby is a full time job. Gabriel is doing great. He is 5 months old now and has developed quite a personality. He smiles all of the time and when he laughs it is the sweetest sound. I could not live without this child and feel blessed every day I wake up to his beautiful face. Lindze, my other sweet angel, has started adjusting well to having a baby brother. She can make him smile and laugh and they are so sweet together. She is also a very good helper and likes being the "big sister". We are looking forward to our first Christmas with all of us. This will be my first everything with Gabriel as Lindze was over a year old when she came home from China. We have the house inside and out decorated which is an improvement from last year where it took much prompting from friends to get me to just put up a tree. I have actual presents this year for family instead of gift cards. I am just excited about the holidays.
I have gone PRN at my job now so I only work every other weekend nights so I can stay home with Gabriel. Tom and I did not want Gabe to have to spend the night at babysitters like Lindze has had to do for so long. We decided I would do it for at least a year and then we would see.
Well we have been dwelling for a while on where our life was going in terms of Kyrgystan and we have made the heart wrenching decision to quit the program. I have spoken with Jackie at ICF and she understands. We cannot continue to have part of our hearts in Kyrgyzstan when we have these 2 precious babies here. Tom and I know that this will haunt us for the rest of our lives because we will always wonder what happened to him and how he turned out. I will always love him from afar but I just cannot do it anymore. They may open the program back up next year and I will probably have regret but I feel like our family is complete. Jackie phrased it as "Alek has his own journey now". Tom wanted me to take down all reminders of him and that was hard and when Lindze went to look for his photo album the other day I had to remind her that it was gone and that her other brother was not coming home. She and my family are upset about this but we will get through it day by day. I only ask that if anyone is reading this that they will pray for my sweet boy Alek Manas and pray that he one day does find a forever family and that he will forgive us for giving up on him.

Long Time

Haven't posted in a while. We went to the beach for 12 days and just got back last week. We had a great time. I spent a lot of my time in the condo because I just did not want to carry Gabe out in that heat. Tom spent more time out on the beach and at the pool with Lindze. Anyway back to life in cold Tennessee. Things have sort of settled around here with a little baby. Gabe is 14 weeks now and getting to be a big boy. Everyone calls him rotten because he knows my voice and wants mommy only to be holding him like all of the time. He smiles and coos all of the time. His big sister loves him to death and has become a great little helper lately. He is a dream come true. Our Little Miracle.
I go back to work on November 1st. BOOHOO!!! Tom and I have been discussing things lately and we came to the conclusion that I should give up my full time job and go prn so I will only be required to work every other weekend for now on. Children grow up too fast and I don't want to miss my last baby growing up on me. We are going to really have to watch our money now because I will be making less money due to less days.
We are working on some decisions regarding our Kyrgyzstan adoption and the end result I feel is going to be a sad one for us. I am tired of the battle of nothing ever happening and the stress it has brought into our life. I just want to say "we are complete" and not have to worry day in and day out about what we are going to hear next. I know if we move in one direction, I will always wonder "what If?" I just think that Gabriel was sent to us by God and maybe this was his message that it is okay to give up the fight. I don't know but I know we will be making our decision soon.
Anyway going to put my sweet boy to bed.

One Month Today

Our sweet Gabriel has been in our home for one month today. I have not been so good about posting because 2 month old babies are a lot of work. I have totally enjoyed every second of it. We are all finally settling into a routine of course until I go back to work and then I guess we will see. Gabe is growing and thriving well. His last weight was almost 10 pounds and I know he is over 10 pounds now. He is now smiling and cooing. He knows my voice so whenever someone is holding him and I say something, he looks around for his mommy. We are still having sleep issues but I have learned to deal with it.
Next Friday we are all packing up the truck and heading to the beach for 12 long days. People have told me I was crazy to carry a baby on vacation this soon but we had planned on carrying little man last year had he come home like he was suppose to so I don't see why we cannot carry Gabe this year. My in laws are coming up the second weekend in order to help with the kids so Tom and I can do a few things by ourselves. I am pretty excited to be leaving the state of Tennessee for a while.
Anyway things are great and I feel so blessed to have my kids. They are the greatest. We have had a few problems with the adoption that have had me on edge but as long as we do not lose Gabe, I will be okay. I have always had a fear of domestic adoption because of the things that could go wrong and lately we have had to deal with a few of those exact fears. Just keep us in your thoughts and prayers that nothing falls apart. I really don't think my heart could take it.
I don't bring up Kyrgyzstan much anymore because thinking about little man and him maybe not coming home is depressing. There is always news that somebody is going to do something or sign something but I don't put faith in this country so "gotta see it to believe it."
I am going to put a few pictures up. They are Iphone pictures so the quality is not so good. Gabe had 2 month pictures taken 2 weeks ago so I hope to have those soon.

Hanging Out

Life has been pretty busy lately taking care of a now 2 month old baby boy and a relatively spoiled 5 year old girl. Lindze is in kindergarten so that has helped out. Gabe does not sleep well at night and mommy is the one who has to deal with it because daddy did not take off when Gabe came home. He went to the doctor last Thursday and weighed a whopping 8"14 and then a week later he was up to 9"8 and 21.5 inches long. Believe me he eats all of the time and I am so glad that he is growing considering he was a premie. We are loving and spoiling him to death.
Last Friday we had a huge welcome home Gabe party and tons of friends and relatives showed up to support us bringing him home. These are people who know first hand what Tom and I have gone through the last year with the Kyrgzystan situation and have been there for us through all of the continued delays. It was a great night to be able to spend time with everyone and actually be genuinely happy for the first time in a long time.
Tom and I have decided to watch the Kyrgyzstan situation for a while longer because we do not want to give up on Little Man yet but I have faced reality that he is not coming home and if he does it will be a long time before it happens. I love my Little Man but this adoption has been the most depressing event that I have ever experienced in my life. He is still in my heart but thank God up above that we now have Gabriel to fill that void in my heart that has been empty for the last year.

Oh How I Love This!!

Well Gabriel has been with us for almost a week Tuesday and other than sleep issues and a few tummy issues, things are great. He is just the sweetest boy God could have bestowed on us. We are still adjusting to having a child who cannot do anything on his own. Lindze is adjusting to not being the complete center of attention anymore and we have encountered more than enough jealousy issues but otherwise she loves her baby brother. I am extremely sleep deprived but as long as Gabriel and Lindze are doing okay, I am too. We are having a big "shindig" this Friday because he is "officially" ours physically and legally that day. He will have his official name by midweek and I cannot wait. We plan on taking him to his doctor this week for his first set of shots. Not looking forward to that. Well anyway I am going to put a few more pictures on here for you guys to enjoy. Got to try to put Gabe to bed.