Saying Goodbye

So for all of you that follow me on Facebook, you are aware that we got some very bad news last week. We were notified by the Department of State that Alek Manas was no longer at the Tokmok orphanage because he had been domestically adopted. Now I know some people are saying "that's great he has a home" but why did it take almost 4 years to adopt him and why after he had a family actively pursuing him. All I can say on this subject is that there is cruelty in this world and what has happened is a perfect example. Our family and another family will never know what happened to that precious boy that I have loved since he was two weeks old. A dedicated family who had already lost one child to domestic adoption are now suffering heartbreak again and I am so sorry for that.
Now do I regret the last nearly 4 years? NEVER! Alek Manas was sustained in that orphanage by the love he felt from so far away by so many people. My life is forever changed because of him. I would not have my precious Gabriel if things had not gotten so messed up in Kyrgyzstan. So many things in my life are different because of him.
My regret is we never got him home to us or the dear family that wanted him home as well. I regret more than anything the tears in my daughters eyes when I told her he was never coming home to the United States and we would never really know what happened to him. I still remember the joy on her face back in 2008 when I showed her a picture of her "brother". I regret that he is gone and I will never know if he is being loved and being taken care of the way he deserves. Those are my regrets.....
Goodbye Alek Manas........

Where our hearts are being led

So I am the worse blogger ever but I swear I will do better. An update on our life is that we have said good-bye to Kyrgzystan in the last few weeks. We had been praying (and crying) about what we should do for quite a while. I had been having many doubts about continuing with Kyrgzystan but I was so heavy hearted about what would become of Manas. We just did not have the immediate funds nor the time to make multiple trips to that country and my faith in the program had faltered. A lot of the Kyrgyz 65 had been losing their children to unexpected domestic adoptions within Kyrgyzstan and they were sort of stuck in limbo on whether to continue pursuing another referral or leave the program altogether. I with a very heavy heart asked one of the families if they were still interested in a Kyrgyzstan adoption and if they would be willing to try to adopt Manas. The next day I received an e-mail that yes they would absolutely attempt to adopt Manas and give him a home and family. I could not stop the tears from flowing. These were not tears of heartache but tears of joy that one day the boy I have have loved since I received his referral picture in May 2008 would still be coming home to a loving family. I could not have asked for a better family for him and I owe them my heart for this. I still grieve for him but I know when I see him one day in his mom and dads arms, I feel my heart will heal.
So now that Tom and made the decision to leave Kyrgyzstan, we were faced with what next as we still wanted to have 3 children in our home to love and raise. We decided after much discussion that we would go back to where our family started 7 years ago....China. This country has a smooth but very strict adoption program but we are doing it nonetheless. We have signed with our agency and are in the beginning stages of our paperwork journey. We have decided that the waiting child program is our route because these kids need a home too no matter what their special need is. Tom and I know that we can do this and feel this is where God has been ultimately leading us for a while. It is in his hands at this point and I'm just following his lead.
So all I ask is that you pray for Manas and his new family and that they can get him home one day very soon. I also ask that you keep our new little one in your prayers until he or she is home with us.

Starting Over

So the new regulations have been signed in Kyrgyzstan. The MOU that the DOS has supposedly worked so hard on has apparently failed. My agency has to be reaccredited to adopt from Kyrgyzstan and supposedly we are being told they are only accepting 3 agencies from each country. I have to start over from scratch... update my homestudy, new I171H, new dossier, more fees for ICF to get reaccredited, possibly 2 more trips to Kyrgyzstan or a freaking long trip (leaving my babies here), finding enough people to watch my two kids while me and Tom are gone, a new job where I cannot get that much time off and of course the best of all not enough money to cover all of this. I love my boy Manas but this really is going to be so hard to fix:(

Oh How I Love Him

So today I got one of the best pictures of Little Man. He was showing off his big smile and holding a picture of his family that I sent him. I really feel like he knows someone out there loves him and wants him. I think he knows that he has a mom, dad, sister and brother out there who loves him and just knowing that makes me one happy momma. Oh how I love that boy <3

Three

Happy Birthday to Alek Manas!! I am hoping and praying that this is the last one that he has to spend in an orphanage without the hugs and kisses he would be getting here. I've had Gabe to distract me today but it is so sad that Alek is there and may not even know that today is his birthday. This is the day that our sweet little boy was brought into the world by the grace of God. This is the day that he is suppose to have a birthday cake and presents and friends and families surrounding him to celebrate his life. I sent him gifts but don't know if he got them. So sad.... I love you my little man.

Yahoo

Well Kyrgyzstan lifted the moratorium today so progress? We will see. I remain cautiously optimistic but can't help but feel that tiny bit of joy that I'm going to be holding Alek Manas in my arms instead of from afar. Keep praying guys!!!

Nothing New

Well as I have said before I am a bad blogger. I just cannot get on here and write anything as not a lot is going on. Lindze is in first grade and loving it. She is my little rhythmic gymnastic girl but man is that killing mom and dad with practice and out of town meets. Gabriel is Gabriel and I never imagined how wild a boy could be due to the fact that Lindze was the "perfect" kid. People told me she was the rare exception and I did not believe them but I do now. Gabriel is non stop into something all the time. He listens to no one at all but hey he is sweet when he gives me kisses and hugs. He is a true mommas boy which is good except that he will not let anyone hold him therefore when we go out or to church, no one can help me with him. Also I am in the middle of finding a new job or a second PRN job due to the fact that extra money will help if we can ever finish Alek's adoption. This will force me to put Gabriel in a day care or mothers day out which he probably needs. Today in church he screamed in the nursery until my mom had to go get him and bring him to me. To say the least I didn't get much out of church today:(
On the adoption front we are still waiting. I still have to renew everything but I just cannot pay to do it until I see some true forward movement. We are hoping and praying to hear that the Family Code passes all 3 areas it has to pass through. This would be the first big positive coming out of that country. I sent some items to Alek through my dear friend Teresa in hopes that he would have something for his birthday which is coming up in 2 weeks. Unbelievable that he is about to be 3 years old. I've asked multiple times for updated pictures but that seems to be hard to come by these days:(
So that is life in a nutshell. Just praying for something to happen soon with getting our little man home. My family is uberexcited that we are back waiting for him as are my friends. We just all want him here getting raised with a family and being loved as he should be versus growing up in an orphanage. So all we can do at this point is pray that the big mountain is moved and all the kids come home to their families.