Wednesday, December 19, 2012

One Month

                                                                    Gotcha Day
                                                                    One Month Later

  It is amazing how much a child can change. One month ago today we received this little boy that would be our son.  I guess I should say we were blessed by God himself to be chosen to be his parents. What an amazing experience to adopt a child. We've done it 3 times and each time it was a little different.
  With Lindze we were inexperienced in adopting much less international adopting and in parenting so it had all kinds of firsts.  We were brought to a building with 8 other families and we saw these nannies carrying these little girls around and we waited for our names to be called so we could be "presented" with our new daughters. Our name was called and we were holding this rather shocked one year old. It was absolutely surreal because in those few minutes we became a family of three just like that.  Lindze was and is a complete joy to parent. I could not have asked for a better child as my "first".
  With Gabriel 4 years later it is a totally different story but the main gist of it is that we brought home this very tiny 6 week old and can I tell you how different it is to receive a 6 week old versus a one year old.  All I can say is many sleepless nights but what a Godsend to be given the opportunity to actually parent a little baby.  This is something I never thought I would experience in our pursuit of a family through adoption.  Out of nowhere we became a family of four. Gabe is growing so fast and even though some days he really really tries my patience, I love everything about him. You never know what he is going to say or do. He is another one of my true blessings.
  Now with Dane 12 families were loaded on a bus and taken to a building where we all waited for different vehicles to arrive from different cities with all of our kids. Most all of the kids arrived before Dane got there. You see they had to drive 4 hours from Nanyang in order to bring him and one other little girl. We were standing around watching and all of a sudden they brought in this tiny little boy bundled in 5 layers of clothing and then we heard Dang Jin Wei and they just put him in our arms. His shock was written all over his face but he was so bundled he couldn't fight us.  We had to sign guardianship papers and then we were taken back to the hotel. Boom family of five just like that.
 So in one month Dane calls me "ma ma" and Tom "da da". He says "bye", "bah bah". He sign languages "more" when he is eating. He has rolled over twice and has learned to finger feed himself. He actually took a few sips from a bottle the other day without me squeezing it in. All in all he is making strides everyday.  I cannot wait to see where he is a year from now because I know he is going to keep amazing us everyday.  So anyway Happy One Month Anniversary to our peanut Dane. We love you!!!!!!!!!
                                                               He despises baths!
                                                              Handsome or what!!!!
                                                                  The grumpy pirate

Sunday, December 9, 2012

A little update

He is definitely our little Peanut. We have started putting 12 month clothes on him and they are actually a little big on him. We had bought a carseat for him but are now going to have to switch it for another one because he is too little for the one in the picture:/
 Anyway Dane is doing well. He is finally sleeping through the night after a few nights of screaming starting on Saturday night when we got home. We have come to the conclusion that he is at a 6 month developmental level due to his inability to roll over, crawl, feed himself, or walk. We feel that no one ever worked with him when it came to sucking a bottle or sippy cup so he never learned.  So our biggest issue right now is lots of problems going to the bathroom. He just doesn't get enough liquid so he is constantly constipated.  We have been doing everything humanly possible to help him but he just lays on the floor and cries with sweat beading on his little face in order to go potty. Heartbreaking to say the least. We are going to his doctor on Tuesday to see what he suggests and then we will see an international adoption specialist plus occupational therapy in January.   I am praying they can come up with some suggestions on how to get him to drink.
So I keep wondering is part of his delays due to no one working with him in his foster home or are his delays due to an underlying issue or because he was a premie?  We contemplate this all the time. Is he going to grow up to be a normal developing little boy or is he always going to be "delayed"?  We will love him no matter how things go.
We have run into lots and lots of jealousy issues with our 3 year old and his behavior has taken a drastic turn for the worse. He is constantly in trouble and in time out. If I hold Dane or play with Dane, Gabe gets right in the middle or he will take Dane's toy away. If I hold Gabe, Dane starts to cry.  Really driving me nuts!!  Also as Dane gets use to his (and Gabe's) room, Gabe has been sleeping with me and now he refuses to go back to his room. My sleep which was already completely messed up is now even further messed up by my 3 year old rugrat.
Now my Lindze has become such a helper since Dane came along. She is always quick to jump in if he starts crying or if I need someone to feed him for a moment while I deal with Gabe who has decided he cannot feed himself anymore:/  She loves both her brothers but I think she is sort of smitten with her Asian brother. I wonder why;)
So that is my life right now. Our first post placement home visit is this Friday so time is moving right along. I actually worked on my next schedule for work last night so in a little over one month I will be going back to the Vandy night shift thing again.  I am interested to see how I handle 3 nights a week with 3 kids.  I do have a sense of peace now with adopting. I know we have a mountain to face with Dane and his delays but it is so refreshing to know that after so many years of adopting and trying to adopt.... We are done.  I know there will always be that little voice in my head that asks... What about Alek Manas? I have dealt with and accepted what happened to our attempted adoption in Kyrgyzstan and know I never had any control over that situation.  What I do know is in January of 2005 Tom and I one day after receiving our one year old daughter Lindze were at her orphanage in Nanchang, China looking into a nursery full of babies and we both said that we had to bring one more home because it broke our heart to see so many babies laying there without families. We have fulfilled that promise we made so many years ago and our little family is complete and I am so at peace now.
                                                            My Little Cowboys
                                                          Gabe still loves his brother
                                                                I'm sooooo big!!!!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

About Dane

I am the world's worse blogger but the VPN here is sketchy and I have more Facebook followers so I've ben sticking with Facebook. Well we have our little peanut and that word is not an underestimation. He is very little but very stocky. He was in shock on Gotcha Day so he cried very little that day. Basically the only time he cries is if he is hungry or if one of his new teeth starts to hurt him.  We have come to the conclusion that he is not just mentally delayed but he has global delays. He is 20 months old but he cannot suck a bottle which any child his age should be doing so getting fluids in him has been challenging to say the least. We have resorted to a Haberman feeder to push the fluids into him. He is not a milk fan but our guide has encouraged us to put him back on formula due to his small size.  He can sit up if you sit him up but he can not sit up by himself. He cannot even roll from back to front or vice versa and of course he cannot walk. He can pick up  a toy off the floor that is around him but when you try to get him to feed himself a snack, he doesn't know what to do so we feed him everything ourself. We are working with him as much as we can from here but it is obvious he will need multiple therapies in order to catch up. He is a happy baby but when he becomes upset, he has learned to self soothe himself by placing his arm in front of his face and putting his lips to it. He has been doing that since the day he was placed in my arms. He is a momma's boy and he adores his sister. He doesn't seem to have a fear of his daddy either so this is a very good thing.   All in all we feel like we are bringing home a baby instead of a 20 month old toddler but that is okay, we are in love with this kid. Keep praying for our little peanut and that he continues to bond with all of us and deal with the transition that he is going through. Thanks be to God for our new little addition!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

15 More Hours

  Well the time has come. We leave at 6:30 tomorrow morning for our long awaited journey to bring home our little Dane. It seems like this has taken forever but we actually started this China adoption in February of this year.  We are going to be staying in Beijing a few days in order to see several of the sites and then on Sunday we fly down to Zhengzhou where our little peanut has been living for the last 20 months. On Monday the 19th, orphanage personnel will bring us our sweet boy. I cannot wait to wrap my arms around that sweet boy and tell him how much I love him.   We will spend several days in the Henan province doing various paperwork and of course celebrating Thanksgiving with many other adoptive families that we will have the pleasure of meeting and spending many days with. On November 24th we fly down to Guangzhou which is where the US consulate is.  This is where we get Dane's final paperwork in order so he can come home with us. We go to the consulate on November 29th and take the oath. On December 1st we fly home and thanks to a 14 hour time difference we actually arrive in Nashville at 10:00 PM December 1st.   We welcome anyone who wants to meet Dane to the airport that night because we may not be leaving our house for a while once we are home. 
  I have a few prayer requests... One is that we have a safe flight. We are flying on 8 different flights while we are gone and as we have done this before, I still worry about our safety with that much flying. I ask that you will keep Lindze in your prayers as this is a long journey and a lot to take in. She gets to see firsthand how we went about bringing her home and I don't know how this is going to affect her. I also ask that you pray for sweet Dane who is getting ripped out of the only home he has only known and getting thrown into strangers arms. I cannot imagine how this is going to upset him. I know eventually he will be okay but please pray for the initial few days and that God will heal his poor little broken heart.  My last prayer request is for my little Gabriel. We are leaving him for almost 18 days. We plan on Skyping with him as much as humanly possible but leaving him is tearing me up and I haven't even left yet.  I love that kid and I have given him a kiss and a hug every day since the day God blessed us with him at 6 weeks old.  My brother Brandon and sister in law Catherine are going to be caring for him while we are gone and I know he is in great hands.   At this point it is all in God's hands and I know he will take care of us. 
    I will be trying to update everyone via Facebook or through my blog as we go along on our trip. Thank you for all the support and many prayers that have been sent up as we have journeyed toward getting Dane home. 

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Orphan Sunday

On this day known as Orphan Sunday we must remember the ones that were left behind. This little boy touched a special place in my heart that can never be filled. He was my son for almost 4 years and due to reasons out of my control I lost him.  He is still loved and thought of by many that prayed he would make it home from a country that does not care one bit about the orphans. I still pray every day that one day he can become a son to a mom and dad and escape the life he lives now.  This little boy will never be forgotten and always loved from far away.

Monday, October 29, 2012


Can it be true? We are actually going to China in 16 days and we will be getting our sweet peanut on November 19th. By God's grace and love we are almost at the end of our adoption journey. As of right now we fly out on November 14th and then fly home December 1st. We are flying Korean airlines which is great because when we went to Kyrgyzstan we were in pure misery so everyone is excited about our "good" flights. We are excited about everything!!  So now begins the panicked packing and making tons of arrangements for leaving Gabe with my brother and sis in law. I have decided the worse part that I am facing now is leaving Gabe.  I have seen that little squirt every day since we brought him home at 6 weeks old. I would gladly give up much sleep to see my babies everyday and get that kiss, hug and "I love you momma". Hopefully between Skype and Facetime I can talk and see him face to face much!!
  So keep the prayers coming that everything is smooth sailing and we get our boy with no issues. Also please pray for Dane as we are about to take him away from the only family he has only known since he was one month old.

Sunday, October 28, 2012


So Friday out of nowhere we got travel approval to bring our little peanut home. Excited is not the word. Extremely surprised is a good word. I truly didn't think we would hear anything until this week. Thank you God for allowing us to finally go get our boy. We are now waiting for a consulate appointment and then we will know when we are leaving. We are aiming on leaving November 14th but it just depends on if we can get an appointment. Hopefully sometime today or tomorrow we will hear something. Now let the chaos of packing and preparing begin....

Friday, October 26, 2012


That about sums it up. Nada... Nothing... No news.  I swear waiting for LOA was easy compared to waiting for TA. Oh well... Maybe next week.....

Monday, October 22, 2012

Almost a week

So we have waited close to a week for travel approval and I'm not optimistic that it will come quick. Unfortunately consulate appointments are running out for November so after all this time we are probably going to be stuck with traveling in December. There are a lot of us waiting so I'm not sure when in December. This sort of stinks considering we got our LOA on July 30th. The cost of flights are going to be astronomically expensive so Christmas is going to be pretty pitiful this year but as long as Peanut is here, I can deal with it. Keep praying that we hear something soon.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

And now we wait

Today our article 5 was picked up and sent to the CCCWA in Beijing. We now will be waiting 2-4 weeks for our travel approval and of course I'm praying for 2 weeks so we can get peanut over the week of Thanksgiving.   I think we have just about everything bought for him that we really need. I cannot wait to get my arms around that sweet boy. I'm in love every time I see a picture of him. His big brother talks about him all the time and has been telling everyone at mothers day out about his baby brother. I think daddy is actually getting excited about finally getting him home. He has been out shopping for stuff for him by himself and actively participated in getting him some clothes while we were on vacation. We are so close sweet boy.
Found a few pictures of my sweet boy on facebook that were taken this past winter.  Ain't he cute!!!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

My Dream

The other night I had a dream... In my dream I came home from work to the sound of kids laughing. I went to the toy room to see what was going on and was greeted with sweet smiles from my Lulu, my wild man Gabe, my peanut Dane and my little man Alek Manas. I was thinking to myself how lucky I was to have these kids and I couldn't believe that I ended up with all of them. They all jumped up and gave me a hug and told me how much they loved me and missed me while I was at work. I felt so blessed...
And then I woke up.... I went upstairs to Lulu's room and blew her kisses. I then went to Gabe's room and kissed him on the cheek and tucked him in because he always knocks his blankets off. I then went back downstairs and sent far away hugs and kisses to my little peanut that I hope and pray I will see soon.  I then went back to bed and sent a secret kiss to my little lost boy who will always have a special place in my heart.  I am still so blessed.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Brief Update

So not much new on the adoption front.  Beth at CCAI and I have talked today. I should have Article 5 pickup on October 16. She said my paperwork would be sent to Beijing and at that point I wait for my TA (travel approval).   TA's are taking 2-4 weeks at the present time. She said if it took 2 weeks then they would try to get my a consulate appointment for the week of Thanksgiving.  She said if it took 4 weeks then we would probably be looking at December travel. Please pray that we are in the 2 week range so we can be in China while Lindze is out of school the week of Thanksgiving and we can get our little peanut before he turns 21 months.  Most everyone that got their LOA's at the same time or close to our timeframe are traveling now so it kills me that we are so behind in bringing him home. That is all I know for now. We are back from vacation so it is back to the night shift grind starting Saturday night:( Keep the prayers coming!!!!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

No more updates

So I've spoken to Pam at CCAI today and asked if we would get anymore updates on Dane before we actually go get him and she said no.  I have to admit that stinks because between our LOA and our maybe actual travel dates, almost 4 months will have passed.  Has he grown? Will the clothes we carry actually fit him?  So many questions....   Now we just have to pray we actually travel in November....

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


Yesterday I received an e-mail from the National Visa Center that our letter had been cabled to China and they kindly sent me my PDF of it which I immediately sent to CCAI. Beth notified me that my Article 5 would be dropped off today and I should expect pick up during the week of October 15th.  Our next step will be waiting for Travel Approval which can take 2-4 weeks. I guess you could say we are finally moving right along. I am really praying for a speedy TA because I have in my head when I would like to go to China but I guess we will see.  We are coming my sweet boy....
 Tonight I work my last night of 4 long 12 hour nights and we leave on our first beach vacation in a year.  Can you say so ready to go?  I guess we will be staying pretty close to the condo as we are saving every dime we have for bringing Dane home.  If my mother in law had not paid for the condo we wouldn't be going anywhere.  A vacation for me is being off more than 4 nights in a row and actually sleeping at night for 10 nights. This night shift is kicking my tail.....
  Keep the prayers coming that we continue along with no more problems and that we get our little man home soon.........

Tuesday, September 18, 2012


Monday we received I-800 approval so now we wait for it to arrive in the mail. I don't think we would have gotten this without our Senator's involvement so lesson learned.  When your agency asks you not to involve your Senator, this is advice you should not take because USCIS has to respond to them when they ask questions. Keep praying that our process speeds by so we can possibly be headed to China by the end of November.  Thanks for all of the prayers and encouragement over the last 4 weeks.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

And the wait continues.....

So no I-800 approval after my officer has had our paperwork for a week. We called on Thursday per our agencies suggestion after our Officer No Heart never returned any of my e-mails. He told my husband that it was on his desk and he would get to it in the order it came in. Excuse me!!  Our I-800 has been pending for a month thanks to his RFE and he is not in any rush. I decided to let CCAI know that he was sitting on it. Their his supervisor. I also notified my Senator's office that USCIS was blowing us off.  On Friday while I was in class learning all there is to know about breastfeeding (insert sarcasm) my husband called twice to get in touch with a supervisor at the immigration office. What does my husband get in return?   A reaming out by two different was a woman who took it upon herself to let him know how busy they are to get to every case in a timely manner. Hey honey....It is your freakin job!!!!!!!  The second person was the acting supervisor who informed my hubby in an unkind manner that they are busy and that my husband calling to check on things is making things worse. Tom kept his cool (which is the reason he had to call) and explained how we had lost one son in a failed adoption and this was starting to feel like deja vu with all the delays and excuses.  This guy was extremely unsympathetic and basically said our agency should have never told us to call them.   Of course I am in class learning about boobies and he is texting me his experience on the phone. I of course lose it and e-mail my agency two different times letting them know how upset I am with them for putting us in this situation and how it is their job to fix this and that we will never call USCIS again but that they will because I expect answers and my husband did not deserve to be treated the way he was treated. Lets just say I got a voice mail and an e-mail pretty soon after that from my agency and how they were attempting to call the supervisor for us.  I think they can sense that I am about to snap. At the end of the day they finally called me back to say that they had heard nothing from the jerks at USCIS.  NADA!!
  One positive note in all of this...My Senator 's office did hear back from Officer No Heart on Friday where "he says" he is working on it but it is going to take longer than he expected so now we pray to hear something on Monday.  I should have listened to my many friends advice instead of my agencies advice and involved my Senator from the beginning because USCIS has to respond to them. Keep praying guys. We need all the prayers we can get.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012


So we still wait for our jerk of an officer to approve our immigration paperwork. My agency can do nothing at this point. I am in limbo while everyone else who got their LOA's on the same day plus everyone after us has moved on. SICK is not the word for me right now. My head hurts, my stomach hurts and I am on edge every single minute of the day. This is unfair that I am at the mercy of an uncaring officer who is in no hurry whatsoever to approve me. He doesn't give a darn about these kids and needs to quit his job. Everyone talks about what a sweet officer they have and I have HIM. I am now expecting no travel this year because the holidays are coming up and I know that is going to jack EVERYTHING up!!!!!  I am screaming in my head everyday because I am so upset over this.  I am sorry for everyone around me because I am foul every freakin day!!!!  I am holding it together for the my babies at home but Lindze knows because every night after her prayer she says "mommy I am sorry you are upset".   Why the crap am I being held up by someone in our own dang country!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, August 27, 2012


Updated amended home study plus extra paperwork and more money off to USCIS as of Friday. My agency has explained it may take a month to find out if our Officer No Heart will approve us this time. If he does,  CCAI guesstimates we will travel mid to late November. I am at the point of I got to see it to believe it.  We have to remember the holiday in early October and the trade fair that month as well so things are going to get behind because of that. I am also worried because MANY LOA's have been coming in and I'm afraid they are going to have a hard time getting consulate appointments for so many people.  Nothing would be better than not being able to travel on time because our US Consulate couldn't get us an appointment. I'm starting to notice a trend where all the delays are coming from the US side. It is obvious China wants these kids in families but the US is causing all the problems. Can you tell I am a little bit bitter these days:/
 So cross all fingers and toes that we can get immigration approval at a speedy rate so we can move on to the next step. Keep praying!

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Very Disappointing Week

This week has I have to admit been the worse in a while. I equal it to the days of despair over losing Alek.   We were so close to being at the end of our journey and then the brakes got slammed and we hit the proverbial brick wall. Our immigration officer decided to request more evidence for our I-800. This is a big step in our adoption and to get this from this guy has stopped everything. Our little man's initial diagnosis made his medical condition look serious but since then they have called him just delayed. My little peanut was a premie so of course he is going to be delayed.  We are now having to update our home study to include the word "serious". One word that is keeping us from going to get Dane in the next 8 weeks. I don't use the word heartless lightly when I refer to our immigration officer. He is subjecting our son to several more months without his family.  We can only pray that we see him before the end of the year. I spent the first part of the week crying and now I am just nervous and very angry with the situation.  I feel like an evil force does not want us to give another child a family. I feel like if it is going to happen, it will happen to us. My agency said they haven't had this happen before. There is that evil force I was talking about.  I guess so much for my little boy coming home before Thanksgiving or maybe even Christmas.  Are we ever going to get a break???  If I didn't love that little face so much, I would have quit Monday when I found out what we were not approved.  We got the above picture the day we got the RFE.  My heart cannot take much more.

Friday, August 3, 2012


What is that?  That is China saying that we can get our little peanut in 2-3 months. We got this document in record timing of 48 days. I cannot believe that this is almost over and our little Dane will be in our arms by October at the earliest or November at the latest. I have God to thank for this miracle of all miracles. Now we are facing mountains of paperwork and prep work for that big trip to the country where our family first began. I am nervous, excited and scared to death but most of all I am blessed. Dane just like my other kiddos is a blessing to our family and I cannot wait to show him what it means to be in a family and give him all the love he deserves.
 So I guess you can tell by the picture that we have an excited little girl. She is flipping out about seeing China and being the first in the family to meet her baby brother.  I think it is great that Lindze can experience the trip, the Gotcha day and everything that goes along with adopting a child from China. She has asked many questions about how we got her so this will help her understand it a bit.  I also think she will be instrumental in helping Dane while he grieves from leaving his foster family. He has been with them since he was one month old so he is going to do some heavy grieving and I pray everyday that we can help with work through it. Imagine loving a family for over a year and then one day getting taken from them and put in strangers arms.  I could not imagine but I know with enough love we can get him through it.
  So for now just keep praying that everything goes smoothly and we can bring our little peanut home so very soon and also pray that he stays safe until he is in our arms forever.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

44 Days

I have now waited 44 days since our dossier was logged in with China. The wait times have been varying from 41 days to 72 days in the past few months. Every day I hope and pray it is our day for that all famous LOA to arrive. I wish I could say I have patience but I have none left.  Some days I am just so excited knowing he is coming home to us. Other days I cry because I want him home now or I cry because I still mourn my little Manas that I lost in Kyrgyzstan.  All I have to say is when this is over I am done and maybe I will finally have some sense of peace that I have done all I can.  Please keep praying for my little Dane until we bring him home and say a little prayer for that beautiful soul still living in an orphanage in Kyrgyzstan.

Friday, June 15, 2012


  After months of paperwork our hard work has paid off and we start the countdown from 6/12/12 and pray we get our Letter of Acceptance in a reasonable timeframe because nothing would make me happier than to have Little Man home by Christmas. I do accept that this may not happen but a girl can dream.  I don't think anyone realizes my lack of patience after so many years of trying to complete a second international adoption.
  We haven't received any updates on Little Man since the April pictures but I've heard this can happen. We should get a little update on his size prior to travel. As we now support his foster family we may get little snippets on him over the next few months.  We are currently working on a care package for him but I'm doing a photo album so it is taking a little longer to get the package ready to go.
  So as my coffee fundraiser is not doing so well I getting ready to start a fundraiser through adoption bug. They have these very cute t-shirts so I'm hoping we can raise a little financial support there. Our Kyrgyzstan adoption completely wiped out our savings so we are trying to raise a little money before the big travel to China. It seems this is where the big financial part of our adoption occurs. We apparently make too much to apply for grants so fundraising it will be.   I have complete faith in God that this adoption will happen and we will be able to finance it.  Just keep praying for our Little Man as we wait to bring him home!!!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Meet Dane Lunn

Recently I was  looking at CCAI's list of waiting kids and this face caught my attention.  I opened up what my agency had about him and without asking my hubby asked to be sent his file.  The next morning I got an e-mail with pictures of this beautiful little boy. I casually mentioned him to Tom and then immediately got in touch with our MD who had been helping us with Alek Manas back in 2008.   This doc is great and had reviewed this little ones file by that night and called me from his home to review what he thought we would be facing if we adopted this little boy.  So then comes the part where I talk to Tom in detail about him. Hesitant is not the word but I gave him the weekend to think about it and I kept texting pictures of this little one to him while he was at work. My thinking is that with his diagnosis things could be fine or we could be facing lots of therapy and work but I just know this is my son.  Anyway we told the agency we wanted to adopt him and have done everything we have to do and now we wait on our LOA.  I should be sending my dossier to my agency today and hopefully it will be headed to China by maybe next week so now we just wait. We have been given the opportunity to support him while he is foster care so we will get updates on him as we wait. I am overly excited that the journey to complete our family is finally going to happen and all the heartbreak of the last 4 years might be eased by welcoming home Dane Lunn.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Saying Goodbye

So for all of you that follow me on Facebook, you are aware that we got some very bad news last week. We were notified by the Department of State that Alek Manas was no longer at the Tokmok orphanage because he had been domestically adopted. Now I know some people are saying "that's great he has a home" but why did it take almost 4 years to adopt him and why after he had a family actively pursuing him. All I can say on this subject is that there is cruelty in this world and what has happened is a perfect example. Our family and another family will never know what happened to that precious boy that I have loved since he was two weeks old. A dedicated family who had already lost one child to domestic adoption are now suffering heartbreak again and I am so sorry for that.
Now do I regret the last nearly 4 years? NEVER! Alek Manas was sustained in that orphanage by the love he felt from so far away by so many people. My life is forever changed because of him. I would not have my precious Gabriel if things had not gotten so messed up in Kyrgyzstan. So many things in my life are different because of him.
My regret is we never got him home to us or the dear family that wanted him home as well. I regret more than anything the tears in my daughters eyes when I told her he was never coming home to the United States and we would never really know what happened to him. I still remember the joy on her face back in 2008 when I showed her a picture of her "brother". I regret that he is gone and I will never know if he is being loved and being taken care of the way he deserves. Those are my regrets.....
Goodbye Alek Manas........

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Where our hearts are being led

So I am the worse blogger ever but I swear I will do better. An update on our life is that we have said good-bye to Kyrgzystan in the last few weeks. We had been praying (and crying) about what we should do for quite a while. I had been having many doubts about continuing with Kyrgzystan but I was so heavy hearted about what would become of Manas. We just did not have the immediate funds nor the time to make multiple trips to that country and my faith in the program had faltered. A lot of the Kyrgyz 65 had been losing their children to unexpected domestic adoptions within Kyrgyzstan and they were sort of stuck in limbo on whether to continue pursuing another referral or leave the program altogether. I with a very heavy heart asked one of the families if they were still interested in a Kyrgyzstan adoption and if they would be willing to try to adopt Manas. The next day I received an e-mail that yes they would absolutely attempt to adopt Manas and give him a home and family. I could not stop the tears from flowing. These were not tears of heartache but tears of joy that one day the boy I have have loved since I received his referral picture in May 2008 would still be coming home to a loving family. I could not have asked for a better family for him and I owe them my heart for this. I still grieve for him but I know when I see him one day in his mom and dads arms, I feel my heart will heal.
So now that Tom and made the decision to leave Kyrgyzstan, we were faced with what next as we still wanted to have 3 children in our home to love and raise. We decided after much discussion that we would go back to where our family started 7 years ago....China. This country has a smooth but very strict adoption program but we are doing it nonetheless. We have signed with our agency and are in the beginning stages of our paperwork journey. We have decided that the waiting child program is our route because these kids need a home too no matter what their special need is. Tom and I know that we can do this and feel this is where God has been ultimately leading us for a while. It is in his hands at this point and I'm just following his lead.
So all I ask is that you pray for Manas and his new family and that they can get him home one day very soon. I also ask that you keep our new little one in your prayers until he or she is home with us.