Happy Adoption Day!!!

Today is the day 5 years ago Lindze was placed in our arms as our daughter. Oh my goodness she has grown into the most beautiful little girl. That was one of the best days of our lives. I thank God for her at every opportunity that I have. She changed our life for the better. This is a very short post because we got lots of snow and ice yesterday and of course I would have to work tonight. Tom and I are going to slide the kids to their nanas house very soon and then slide me to the hospital for what I hope is a very quiet night. I just wanted to tell my little Lulu "Happy Adoption Day". Mom and dad love you and could not imagine our life without you.

6 Years old

Just wanted to wish my Lindze a Happy 6th Birthday!!!!!! Love you so much and you are growing up too fast for your mom and dad. Hope you like your pierced ears. It took a lot of bravery on your parents part to let you do that. Love you love you love you my sweet Lulu!

6 Months

Just wanted to wish my sweet boy Gabriel a happy 6 month birthday. Okay I know some of you may think that is corny but I have never had a 6 month birthday so it is sort of a big deal to me. I have never had a one year birthday so I will be excited about that too but I wish for me time would slow down just a bit because it feels Gabe is getting big awfully quick. I can definitely say that about my Lindze. Anyway Happy 6 Month Birthday my sweet beautiful little blessing Gabriel.

Happy New Year!!

2009 started out the way that 2008 ended which was just crummy. I spent more time crying than smiling. I felt like a knife was piercing my heart everytime I got another piece of bad news. I felt like life was a nonstop rollercoaster of delays and constant bad news. It was a year of contemplating giving up on our second child which was something we had been looking forward to ever since my Lindze came home. It was the year that we actually did say good bye to our China and Kyrgyzstan adoption. It was the year that we said good bye to our dear son Alek. It was a year of very dear friends losing those that they loved. Like I said it was just not turning out to be a good year. Then in July we heard about a baby that needed a mom and dad. Now just to let you know July was to be a very difficult month because it would be one year since we had last seen or held our precious boy in Kyrgyzstan. By the miracle of God himself we began pursuing how to adopt this little boy and we met all kind of obstacles along the way but miracles do happen and now we have our sweet son Gabriel. I feel we are complete now and I could not be any happier. As I was putting my babies to bed tonight all I could do was thank God for the blessings he has bestowed on us. I know I have some friends out there who are still waiting for their babies to come home and some friends who have lost someone very dear to them but I believe in miracles and a miracle will happen for you because it happened for me. Happy New Year dear friends and I am hoping you get all that you want in 2010. Love to you all!!

Merry Christmas

Just wanted to wish all of my blogger buddies out there a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I know there are several of my blogger friends who will be going through the holidays with longing in their hearts to hold the ones that they love that are gone or far away. I just wanted to let you guys know you have a special place in my heart and I am praying for each and every one of you. Love to all of you!

The Decision

I have not been here for a while because a baby is a full time job. Gabriel is doing great. He is 5 months old now and has developed quite a personality. He smiles all of the time and when he laughs it is the sweetest sound. I could not live without this child and feel blessed every day I wake up to his beautiful face. Lindze, my other sweet angel, has started adjusting well to having a baby brother. She can make him smile and laugh and they are so sweet together. She is also a very good helper and likes being the "big sister". We are looking forward to our first Christmas with all of us. This will be my first everything with Gabriel as Lindze was over a year old when she came home from China. We have the house inside and out decorated which is an improvement from last year where it took much prompting from friends to get me to just put up a tree. I have actual presents this year for family instead of gift cards. I am just excited about the holidays.
I have gone PRN at my job now so I only work every other weekend nights so I can stay home with Gabriel. Tom and I did not want Gabe to have to spend the night at babysitters like Lindze has had to do for so long. We decided I would do it for at least a year and then we would see.
Well we have been dwelling for a while on where our life was going in terms of Kyrgystan and we have made the heart wrenching decision to quit the program. I have spoken with Jackie at ICF and she understands. We cannot continue to have part of our hearts in Kyrgyzstan when we have these 2 precious babies here. Tom and I know that this will haunt us for the rest of our lives because we will always wonder what happened to him and how he turned out. I will always love him from afar but I just cannot do it anymore. They may open the program back up next year and I will probably have regret but I feel like our family is complete. Jackie phrased it as "Alek has his own journey now". Tom wanted me to take down all reminders of him and that was hard and when Lindze went to look for his photo album the other day I had to remind her that it was gone and that her other brother was not coming home. She and my family are upset about this but we will get through it day by day. I only ask that if anyone is reading this that they will pray for my sweet boy Alek Manas and pray that he one day does find a forever family and that he will forgive us for giving up on him.

Long Time

Haven't posted in a while. We went to the beach for 12 days and just got back last week. We had a great time. I spent a lot of my time in the condo because I just did not want to carry Gabe out in that heat. Tom spent more time out on the beach and at the pool with Lindze. Anyway back to life in cold Tennessee. Things have sort of settled around here with a little baby. Gabe is 14 weeks now and getting to be a big boy. Everyone calls him rotten because he knows my voice and wants mommy only to be holding him like all of the time. He smiles and coos all of the time. His big sister loves him to death and has become a great little helper lately. He is a dream come true. Our Little Miracle.
I go back to work on November 1st. BOOHOO!!! Tom and I have been discussing things lately and we came to the conclusion that I should give up my full time job and go prn so I will only be required to work every other weekend for now on. Children grow up too fast and I don't want to miss my last baby growing up on me. We are going to really have to watch our money now because I will be making less money due to less days.
We are working on some decisions regarding our Kyrgyzstan adoption and the end result I feel is going to be a sad one for us. I am tired of the battle of nothing ever happening and the stress it has brought into our life. I just want to say "we are complete" and not have to worry day in and day out about what we are going to hear next. I know if we move in one direction, I will always wonder "what If?" I just think that Gabriel was sent to us by God and maybe this was his message that it is okay to give up the fight. I don't know but I know we will be making our decision soon.
Anyway going to put my sweet boy to bed.