Happy New Year!!

2009 started out the way that 2008 ended which was just crummy. I spent more time crying than smiling. I felt like a knife was piercing my heart everytime I got another piece of bad news. I felt like life was a nonstop rollercoaster of delays and constant bad news. It was a year of contemplating giving up on our second child which was something we had been looking forward to ever since my Lindze came home. It was the year that we actually did say good bye to our China and Kyrgyzstan adoption. It was the year that we said good bye to our dear son Alek. It was a year of very dear friends losing those that they loved. Like I said it was just not turning out to be a good year. Then in July we heard about a baby that needed a mom and dad. Now just to let you know July was to be a very difficult month because it would be one year since we had last seen or held our precious boy in Kyrgyzstan. By the miracle of God himself we began pursuing how to adopt this little boy and we met all kind of obstacles along the way but miracles do happen and now we have our sweet son Gabriel. I feel we are complete now and I could not be any happier. As I was putting my babies to bed tonight all I could do was thank God for the blessings he has bestowed on us. I know I have some friends out there who are still waiting for their babies to come home and some friends who have lost someone very dear to them but I believe in miracles and a miracle will happen for you because it happened for me. Happy New Year dear friends and I am hoping you get all that you want in 2010. Love to you all!!

Merry Christmas

Just wanted to wish all of my blogger buddies out there a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I know there are several of my blogger friends who will be going through the holidays with longing in their hearts to hold the ones that they love that are gone or far away. I just wanted to let you guys know you have a special place in my heart and I am praying for each and every one of you. Love to all of you!

The Decision

I have not been here for a while because a baby is a full time job. Gabriel is doing great. He is 5 months old now and has developed quite a personality. He smiles all of the time and when he laughs it is the sweetest sound. I could not live without this child and feel blessed every day I wake up to his beautiful face. Lindze, my other sweet angel, has started adjusting well to having a baby brother. She can make him smile and laugh and they are so sweet together. She is also a very good helper and likes being the "big sister". We are looking forward to our first Christmas with all of us. This will be my first everything with Gabriel as Lindze was over a year old when she came home from China. We have the house inside and out decorated which is an improvement from last year where it took much prompting from friends to get me to just put up a tree. I have actual presents this year for family instead of gift cards. I am just excited about the holidays.
I have gone PRN at my job now so I only work every other weekend nights so I can stay home with Gabriel. Tom and I did not want Gabe to have to spend the night at babysitters like Lindze has had to do for so long. We decided I would do it for at least a year and then we would see.
Well we have been dwelling for a while on where our life was going in terms of Kyrgystan and we have made the heart wrenching decision to quit the program. I have spoken with Jackie at ICF and she understands. We cannot continue to have part of our hearts in Kyrgyzstan when we have these 2 precious babies here. Tom and I know that this will haunt us for the rest of our lives because we will always wonder what happened to him and how he turned out. I will always love him from afar but I just cannot do it anymore. They may open the program back up next year and I will probably have regret but I feel like our family is complete. Jackie phrased it as "Alek has his own journey now". Tom wanted me to take down all reminders of him and that was hard and when Lindze went to look for his photo album the other day I had to remind her that it was gone and that her other brother was not coming home. She and my family are upset about this but we will get through it day by day. I only ask that if anyone is reading this that they will pray for my sweet boy Alek Manas and pray that he one day does find a forever family and that he will forgive us for giving up on him.

Long Time

Haven't posted in a while. We went to the beach for 12 days and just got back last week. We had a great time. I spent a lot of my time in the condo because I just did not want to carry Gabe out in that heat. Tom spent more time out on the beach and at the pool with Lindze. Anyway back to life in cold Tennessee. Things have sort of settled around here with a little baby. Gabe is 14 weeks now and getting to be a big boy. Everyone calls him rotten because he knows my voice and wants mommy only to be holding him like all of the time. He smiles and coos all of the time. His big sister loves him to death and has become a great little helper lately. He is a dream come true. Our Little Miracle.
I go back to work on November 1st. BOOHOO!!! Tom and I have been discussing things lately and we came to the conclusion that I should give up my full time job and go prn so I will only be required to work every other weekend for now on. Children grow up too fast and I don't want to miss my last baby growing up on me. We are going to really have to watch our money now because I will be making less money due to less days.
We are working on some decisions regarding our Kyrgyzstan adoption and the end result I feel is going to be a sad one for us. I am tired of the battle of nothing ever happening and the stress it has brought into our life. I just want to say "we are complete" and not have to worry day in and day out about what we are going to hear next. I know if we move in one direction, I will always wonder "what If?" I just think that Gabriel was sent to us by God and maybe this was his message that it is okay to give up the fight. I don't know but I know we will be making our decision soon.
Anyway going to put my sweet boy to bed.

One Month Today

Our sweet Gabriel has been in our home for one month today. I have not been so good about posting because 2 month old babies are a lot of work. I have totally enjoyed every second of it. We are all finally settling into a routine of course until I go back to work and then I guess we will see. Gabe is growing and thriving well. His last weight was almost 10 pounds and I know he is over 10 pounds now. He is now smiling and cooing. He knows my voice so whenever someone is holding him and I say something, he looks around for his mommy. We are still having sleep issues but I have learned to deal with it.
Next Friday we are all packing up the truck and heading to the beach for 12 long days. People have told me I was crazy to carry a baby on vacation this soon but we had planned on carrying little man last year had he come home like he was suppose to so I don't see why we cannot carry Gabe this year. My in laws are coming up the second weekend in order to help with the kids so Tom and I can do a few things by ourselves. I am pretty excited to be leaving the state of Tennessee for a while.
Anyway things are great and I feel so blessed to have my kids. They are the greatest. We have had a few problems with the adoption that have had me on edge but as long as we do not lose Gabe, I will be okay. I have always had a fear of domestic adoption because of the things that could go wrong and lately we have had to deal with a few of those exact fears. Just keep us in your thoughts and prayers that nothing falls apart. I really don't think my heart could take it.
I don't bring up Kyrgyzstan much anymore because thinking about little man and him maybe not coming home is depressing. There is always news that somebody is going to do something or sign something but I don't put faith in this country so "gotta see it to believe it."
I am going to put a few pictures up. They are Iphone pictures so the quality is not so good. Gabe had 2 month pictures taken 2 weeks ago so I hope to have those soon.

Hanging Out

Life has been pretty busy lately taking care of a now 2 month old baby boy and a relatively spoiled 5 year old girl. Lindze is in kindergarten so that has helped out. Gabe does not sleep well at night and mommy is the one who has to deal with it because daddy did not take off when Gabe came home. He went to the doctor last Thursday and weighed a whopping 8"14 and then a week later he was up to 9"8 and 21.5 inches long. Believe me he eats all of the time and I am so glad that he is growing considering he was a premie. We are loving and spoiling him to death.
Last Friday we had a huge welcome home Gabe party and tons of friends and relatives showed up to support us bringing him home. These are people who know first hand what Tom and I have gone through the last year with the Kyrgzystan situation and have been there for us through all of the continued delays. It was a great night to be able to spend time with everyone and actually be genuinely happy for the first time in a long time.
Tom and I have decided to watch the Kyrgyzstan situation for a while longer because we do not want to give up on Little Man yet but I have faced reality that he is not coming home and if he does it will be a long time before it happens. I love my Little Man but this adoption has been the most depressing event that I have ever experienced in my life. He is still in my heart but thank God up above that we now have Gabriel to fill that void in my heart that has been empty for the last year.

Oh How I Love This!!

Well Gabriel has been with us for almost a week Tuesday and other than sleep issues and a few tummy issues, things are great. He is just the sweetest boy God could have bestowed on us. We are still adjusting to having a child who cannot do anything on his own. Lindze is adjusting to not being the complete center of attention anymore and we have encountered more than enough jealousy issues but otherwise she loves her baby brother. I am extremely sleep deprived but as long as Gabriel and Lindze are doing okay, I am too. We are having a big "shindig" this Friday because he is "officially" ours physically and legally that day. He will have his official name by midweek and I cannot wait. We plan on taking him to his doctor this week for his first set of shots. Not looking forward to that. Well anyway I am going to put a few more pictures on here for you guys to enjoy. Got to try to put Gabe to bed.

Gabriel

Well I am going to attempt to put a few pictures of Gabriel here for you. They are not the best pictures because he tends to avoid the camera. He is such a sweetie but today we have been having stomach issues so it has been a long crying day. He has just been so pitiful but right now he is sound asleep in my lap. I turned in my FMLA papers so me and the family will be hanging until I go back to work in November. I want to enjoy the first few months with Gabriel because he is the first baby we have ever had in the house. Well anyway I will keep you updated when Gabe allows.

The Time Has Come

Okay all of you blogger buddies out there that have been kept waiting for so long.....the news is ....TADA.......We have a son!!!!!!! We have been working on a private adoption and went to court with several different players today and the birthparents signed the surrender papers in front of the judge today. On September 4th at 5PM he will be officially ours. He was born on July 9th and he is such an angel. Right now at this moment I have my Lindze in bed with me and our son Gabriel Hugh Lunn is laying in his little bed next to me. He is a blessing from above and I owe the great God above for this blessed miracle. I am sorry I have kept you guys waiting so long but we were afraid this day would never come and with our Little Man situation we just chose to not tell anyone. I promise to post pictures very very soon but this has been a very long day and I know Gabe will be waking up soon for another bottle so I am going to catch a catnap. Thanks for all of the good luck wishes and prayers from everyone.

Hoping and Praying

Well tomorrow is the day when we find out if things in our new situation are going to work out. I have been worrying about this for what feels like forever. I am so tired of things not working out that certainly something good is going to happen. My Lindze has strep throat and we are trying to figure out out what to do with her tomorrow because nobody wants to watch a sick kid. I am already sick of kindergarten because it only took her one week to get something she has never had. Well anyway I just need lots of prayers that Tuesday goes well. I am so use to disappointment lately that I just need some positive thoughts to come my way.

Small Update

Well the meeting today went okay. There were a lot of people involved and most of them at this meeting were against us but we had a few surprises for them today that they were not expecting. If this goes well there are a lot of people out there that I am going to feel indebted to forever. Anyway 2 weeks from today will be the final decision. I am once again sorry that I keep teasing but it is for my benefit because if this falls apart I probably will to for a while. So anyway keep us in your thoughts and keep praying that we have good news in 2 weeks.

Another Meeting

Tomorrow we have to attend another meeting about the news I hope will be good soon. This has taken a lot of work lately to come all together but I am hoping to have a positive outlook after Tuesday. 2 weeks from tomorrow will be the final decision. Stress is not the word for my disposition lately. I have to say it has taken my mind off of the never ending Kyrgyzstan situation. So keep your fingers crossed and thanks for all of my blogging buddies comments lately. I hope to have good news to reveal soon...........

A Bump in the Road

Well today did not go so well. I still don't want to say too much because if it does not work out, I don't want to have to explain. Anyway we ran into a roadblock and it is going to take at least a month to see if it can be moved. I need all of the support and prayers I can get to see this to the end. Today in our meeting I thought forget it, I am done and almost walked out but I did not. I have some friends that are telling me not to give up and to see it to the end but I am afraid that I will not like what the final result reveals to me. Well anyway I have a lot of waiting and worrying to do for the next month which goes along with all of the waiting and worrying I have done for the last year. Prayers and more prayers!!!!!

A Few Details

Well our meeting today went well so we are on our way to being able to announce our hopefully good news. I am afraid if I say too much I will bring us bad luck. We have more meetings tomorrow so maybe more information tomorrow. Continue praying that all goes well. I have been so nervous this week that I have basically stayed sick at my stomach. Anyway keep praying that things continue staying in the positive. We need all the prayers that we can get.

No Details

First I want to say that I have been a terrible blogger lately because where Little Man is "nothing has happened". There is a very important election tonight and I hope everything turns out well but I have lost optimism with this adoption. This week is a year since I last seen and held my little boy. I have missed him but I know that I can only love him from afar at this point. We will just have to wait and see and pray. I don't expect to see him again until more than likely next year sometime. Only time will tell.
Anyway I am asking for a lot of prayers because (no details) we are doing something tomorrow that can either turn out bad or extremely good. Only the closest people in my life know the details and I promise if things go well I will reveal more details as they come about. Sorry to keep my blogger buddies holding on but I promise details if we have good news. Just keep us in your prayers. Thanks!

Gone for A While

I have not been in the mood to blog for quite a while. I have nothing new on our K. adoption other than we are still waiting with no new news. We got new pictures of Little Man today and he has certainly grown. I could see at least 4 bottom front teeth. He was standing in the picture so I imagine he is walking. His clothes were dirty and his poor pants looked rather tight on him. Lindze commented on the pink shoes he was wearing. All in all he looks rather good especially with that big grin on his face. Miss him much and really don't know when I will see him again.
Tom and I received our new I171 for K the other day and now are in the process of an I800 for China. If things do not pick up with K. soon, we feel we will have a baby girl from China before we see Little Man again. I really don't care if I have to wait 2 or 3 years, I am determined to bring my little boy home. We are now about 34 days out for a referral from China so we expect maybe beginning of next year so I guess we will see. We never planned on 3 kids but if that is Gods plan for us, we will do it and love and care for all 3 of them.
This summer is just flying by. Lindze has been through her 2 week pre-k program and her 2 weeks of swimming lessons and by the end of the summer she will be starting kindergarten. What will I do all day with no Lindze around? I will probably go stir crazy because I am so use to her being with me all of the time except when I am working.
Well off to do my 10 hours of Hague approved training for my I800. Exciting not!!!

Happy Anniversary

Today Tom and I celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary. Of course we are both working nights so we will have to celebrate it next week sometime. He is a great husband and really puts up with a lot especially the last year with our K. adoption. I also want to wish Tom a happy birthday. Yes we got married on his birthday and it is a long story why but we did. I love you Tom and hope to spend forever with you.

Day of Disappointment

Well today has been a day of bad news with our adoptions. First we find out that they are not even going to look at adoptions in K until after the election and then it may be October before anything happens (if it ever does). I just feel this is another one of their excuses to continue the delays that have been ongoing since last year. I just have a really hard time staying positive that this will ever end.
Second I also found out today through another agency that China is not going to send out any more referrals until September due to I guess the swine flu. We have waited 3 years for them now and it looks like we have at least another year ahead of us. I am just a little bit over this.
Anyway I was talking to Lindze (my 5 year old) tonight about how it was going to be a long time before brother or even sister ever comes home. I told her I was just about ready to give up because I just don't have it in me to deal with this much longer. My 5 year blessing tells me "you didn't give up on me" and then she gave me a big ole hug. I cannot tell you how it felt to have my baby girl tell me that. She has faith so I guess I will have to have faith that something is going to have to happen one of these days. I guess I am going to leave it up to God to help me see this through to the end no matter how it ends.

Too Cute

I have a best friend who is the most thoughtful person in the world. She was sweet enough to check on me at work when Little Man turned one. She also bought me the cutest picture frames with the words Little Man actually on it. I cannot wait to get him home in order to put a special picture in it. Thank you Heather for always being there for me.

Happy Birthday!!!

Happy 1st birthday to my sweet little man. Mommy and daddy miss you and wish we could have given you a very special birthday. The pictures we received this week from T were the best yet. You had the best smile I have ever seen. I am sorry you are still there and not home where you should have been months ago. We miss you with all of our hearts and we will make up all of the lost time when you come home. Mommy just wants you to keep holding on and know we are coming for you one day no matter how long they make us wait. We love you, we miss you and we pray for our baby boy. Loves and kisses from afar!!!!

Prayers

Nothing new on the adoption front. The phone conference yielded no new news today and for that I am very frustrated. I miss my little boy and think about every milestone I am missing as he is getting ready to turn 1 in less than 2 weeks. I promised him in July that Mommy would be back soon to bring him home and that has not happened. He is very healthy according to all of the reports that I get and for that I feel blessed. I just miss him and I refuse to give up on him. I know that one of these days he will be coming home.
I ask for prayers as a dear friend of mine has a child who is not doing well. She has not held or seen her baby girl for several months. All she gets are reports and the occasional picture of her sweet girl. I feel for her, I pray for her and I cry for her. That is all that I can do at this point. If things had been different she would be home and gotten the medical care she so desperately needed. Please just keep this precious baby and her family in your prayers.

11 Months Old

Happy 11 month birthday to my sweet little man. We miss you so much and want you home so bad. Your pictures that we received last week were adorable. I just loved the way you smiled for the camera.
Well another month has passed and we know nothing as to when he will be home or if he will ever be home. Tom and I have separated ourselves completely from the situation lately. This adoption has consumed so much of our life lately that we just had to step back and focus on our life now with Lindze. We are still discussing what we will do if this country decides to stop adoptions. I e-mailed J. recently about this possibly happening and for the first time since we started this process she did not try to defend them and say that adoptions would not stop. Rumor has it that we will hear more regarding the future of adoptions some time next week after a big meeting. J. is out of town for a while so we will not hear any news from her until she comes back. I just want to know "yes or no" so Tom and I can deal with it and we don't have to keep up this "wait until this or wait until that" that we have dealt with for the last long 6 months.
Happy Birthday again Little Man. Mommy, daddy and sister love and miss you!!

10 Months Old

Happy 10 month birthday little man. Another one missed. We love you.

Messed Up.

My blog is acting funny and I am trying to fix the problem.

What To Do Now?

Well this adoption has turned out to be the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I have to say that if you have read Suzanne from FL's blog today that is exactly how I feel. I just have no positive feelings that this country is ever going to allow us to bring home our babies. They keep making promises only to break them at each and every turn. I love my son more than anything but I may have to face the fact that loving him from afar is all I will ever be able to do. I have decided no to an interim trip because I cannot possibly go and hold and bond with him again and maybe never see him again. I started this adoption process 3 years ago with China. We were determined we would adopt a second child after we brought Lindze home. We started one year from the date that Lindze got home not knowing what we would go through for 3 stinking years. My new dilemma is that Kyrgyzstan is a concurrent adoption and China is now in March of 2006 with referrals and we are logged in at the end of April. What do I do? Give up China and hope that Little Man will one day be allowed to come home or wait a little longer and then decide. We only have a few months to decide because we would need to update everything with China. China has been the slowest I have ever seen but at least by golly I know I will have a child to bring home. Little Man's country does not even know what they are doing and they don't give a rats tail about those kids. If they did we would all have our babies home by now. I obsess about this everyday and I am driving my family nuts. Something is going to have to give soon.

Four Years

Today is "Gotcha Day" or "Adoption Day"! I know people call it different things but it has been 4 years ago today since Tom and I stood in a little room with 8 other families in China and had Lindze placed in our arms for the first time. It was a day that I will always remember. The day we became a forever family. Lindze had this complete look of shock on her face. She never cried not once the whole time we were in that social welfare building. It took a lot for us to hold it together because it had been such a long journey for us to get to that day. I will never forget that day and I want to thank God for the blessing that he bestowed on us 4 years ago. I also have to thank Lindze's birth country China for allowing us to bring home one of their precious children. And of course I will never forget her birth mother who made such a sacrifice in order for that day to happen for us. Happy Adoption Day Lindze. We love you!!

Happy Nine Month Birthday

Just wanted to wish Little Man a happy nine month birthday. Hoping for good news of some kind this week. Hate that we have missed so much of your life so far but promise to make it up to you when you come home. Love you and miss you so much.
Your sister says to come home soon! Love you baby!!!!!

My Girl

A couple of photos of Lindze on her 5th birthday. I miss Little Man so much but she sure keeps me going these days. She had a great time at Build A Bear. She named her bear "Heart" and is now sleeping with her at night. She had such a good birthday. Well hoping and praying for some kind of good news this week but I am sure having my doubts.

Happy Birthday Lindze!!

Today is my sweet Lindze's 5th birthday. We have had a great day so far and in just a few we are headed to Build A Bear in order to have fun with her little friend S. I think of her birthmother on this day and the sacrifice she made 5 years ago. What was going through her mind when she had to leave her baby with complete strangers and just hope that she was taken care of? I just wish I could tell her that Lindze has turned out to be such the perfect little girl and that she is being taken care of. She is loved by us and all who meet her. We have complete strangers come up to us and tell us what a sweet girl she is. I just wish I could tell her birthmother all of this and what this child has brought to our lives. She came into our lives when she was 4 years and 2 weeks old and that day was one of the best days of our life. I thank her birthmom and God for her everyday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINDZE!!!!!!!!

Hoping And Praying

I like all of you out there am hoping that some certain government officials come back from their holiday vacations with pens in hand ready to sign some letters. We can all hope and pray that the holidays have softened their hearts and they will allow us to bring our babies home very soon. I guess we will all know something next week.
On a positive note, B and T are on their way to K. for an interim trip so I should get updated pictures of Little Man next week. He turns 9 months old in a little over 2 weeks and I am looking forward to seeing new pictures of him. I would rather see him in person but if I cannot a picture sometimes helps with the wait.
Anyway hopefully the next post will be with some good news. I don't get my hopes up anymore due to all of the disappointments lately and it helps my disposition when I do not stay on the positive side but we will see.